Since May my cousin and I have been saying that the McCann’s did ‘it’ or more likely that Kate McCann murdered her daughter Madeleine! We had our own theory that Kate got angry with Maddie, on that May night in Portugal, and killed her in a temper! Maybe Madeleine didn’t want to be put to bed or be left with her younger siblings whilst her parents went for a meal!
We didn’t think that the Dad was necessarily involved because of the way he was during interviews, he came across as a genuinely upset parent and struggled through press conferences whilst his wife just stared on. What we couldn’t work out if Kate did it on her own or she got help to move the body. Maybe from the guy who kept being called in for questioning?
And we also wondered where you’d put a body if your somewhere abroad you don’t really know and don’t want to get caught in the act of moving it! Surely the police would have found the body by now because they would know obvious places to look? And, had Kate been hiding what she did from her husband, did he know anything about it! It’s the little details that are the most interesting ones in this case.
If you mentioned a few months back that you thought the parents were guilty in any way you’d have been lynched! Where as we kept going on about the bad parenting of these two apparent clever middle class people, which the newspapers were afraid to mention until weeks later when the foreign press had already done the dirty for them.
Everyone I know was well annoyed at how they’d left their kids and didn’t see anything wrong with being away from them, they were “only across the road” the papers kept saying and they checked on the kids every 15 minutes. Bollocks I say to that! If you were having a slap up meal with friends and drinking it would be easy to forget to check on your kids. But then maybe Kate checked on Maddie and that was when she was murdered her or was she dead before the meal?
I was constantly muttering in May, “She did it!” every time Kate McCann appeared on the TV! It made me remember the South Park episode where they slag of OJ Simpson and the parents of that US Beauty Teen! “You did it, you murdering murders!” I just couldn’t understand how these terrible parents could go and whine about their missing /dead kids! If the McCann’s were a black family they would have had zero press, and any press they did get would have been labeling them as ‘BAD PARENTS!’
Kate McCann has always been a bit more silent when interviewed and you could say it’s because she was closer to Madeleine than her husband but she always had a strange air about her! There was just something not right about the way she looked and acted when on camera like she had other stuff going on in her mind! She seems to me the kind of person who can switch off her emotions, she has that reptilian look. Glazed eyes and she’s very icy cold I can’t remember her being that emotional.
On the ITN News talking to Kate’s parents back in the UK (07/09/07) they said there daughter thinks that either the police or someone who had access to the blood evidence must have planted it in their room, (*I’ll comment on this in a bit). The evidence in question is linked to the fact that Madeleine’s blood turned up in a car hired by the McCann’s 35 days after their daughter went missing! She apparently swore at the police when they asked the obvious question about whether she was guilty of killing her daughter
* I found this a bit weird? Kate says that someone must have planted evidence of blood in the bedroom. But the evidence at the moment is more to do with blood found in the car, which is apparently Madeleine’s. Kate’s parents didn’t mention this at all? Does this mean that Kate finds it odd that blood was in the bedroom, does she know something we don’t like how Maddie was killed, and that there was no blood from Madeleine’s body when she was moved from the room? So she finds it odd that there was blood found? Was Maddie strangled or suffocated then? Maybe it’s nothing but it just struck me as odd that she was obsessing on this more than anything else.
Where has this blood come from then? The police obviously believe that Kate has been in contact with Madeleine’s body since her disappearance and that this has been transferred to the hire car! I believe that Kate is guilty but I’d be the first to admit that it’s a hard case to break and if she is eventually found not guilty I’ve been a complete arse and unsympathetic to this poor grieving family, even though they shouldn’t have left Maddie and her siblings alone!
I don’t have a problem with killing Kate’s motives, there are plenty of reasons why she might of done it, my questions are “Where is the body now?” “How could it still be missing?” and “Who else was involved?” That might sound a bit like Donald Sutherland’s famous speech in Oliver Stones “JFK” but these are reasonable questions that we may never, ever know the answers to!
Wow that was a reasonably grown up piece of writing for me seeing as I had on the original “The Hills Have Eyes” on in the background when I was typing all this and was waiting to have a cup of tea!
Friday, 7 September 2007
Wednesday, 29 August 2007
Anne Widdecombe
Anne Widdecombe Versus! The return of the unpopular documentary series. Guaranteed to get you yelling at The TV an eating your sofa cushions.
1) Anne Widdecombe Versus – Dinosaurs.
Tonight Anne considers what can be done to address the problem of dinosaurs that flatly refuse to exist anymore. In addition to asking if T-Rex’s are “clever girls”, she visits Leicester where some scientists are being offered incentives in a bid to reintroduce dinosaurs back into society!
2) Anne Widdecombe Versus – Time.
Tonight Anne decides to confront time and force it to meet the parents of people who have lost their children to time and hopes to reduce it to tears through this and other bullying tactics.
3) Anne Widdecombe Versus – Anal Sex
Tonight Anne forces her tiny arse hole to suffer penetration just so it knows how painful and harmful anal sex really is! She explores both male and female penetration just for you the thick as pig shit public!
4) Anne Widdecombe Versus – The Volcano
After learning she has a brain cloud and only six months to live, Anne realizes she has been to scared to live properly, and accepts a challenge from magnate Graynamore: the inhabitants of a Polynesian island need a hero who will jump into a volcano to appease their gods; in return, Anne will get to live like a king and die like a woman, while Graynamore gets the rights to valuable mineral deposits!
Also in the series…
Anne Widdecombe Versus – Nelson Mandella
Anne Widdecombe Versus – Anne Widdecombe… to the Death!
1) Anne Widdecombe Versus – Dinosaurs.
Tonight Anne considers what can be done to address the problem of dinosaurs that flatly refuse to exist anymore. In addition to asking if T-Rex’s are “clever girls”, she visits Leicester where some scientists are being offered incentives in a bid to reintroduce dinosaurs back into society!
2) Anne Widdecombe Versus – Time.
Tonight Anne decides to confront time and force it to meet the parents of people who have lost their children to time and hopes to reduce it to tears through this and other bullying tactics.
3) Anne Widdecombe Versus – Anal Sex
Tonight Anne forces her tiny arse hole to suffer penetration just so it knows how painful and harmful anal sex really is! She explores both male and female penetration just for you the thick as pig shit public!
4) Anne Widdecombe Versus – The Volcano
After learning she has a brain cloud and only six months to live, Anne realizes she has been to scared to live properly, and accepts a challenge from magnate Graynamore: the inhabitants of a Polynesian island need a hero who will jump into a volcano to appease their gods; in return, Anne will get to live like a king and die like a woman, while Graynamore gets the rights to valuable mineral deposits!
Also in the series…
Anne Widdecombe Versus – Nelson Mandella
Anne Widdecombe Versus – Anne Widdecombe… to the Death!
Owen Wilson is… “Owen Wilton” in…
“You, Me and MTV dude makes 3”
“When failed ‘action hero’ Owen Wilton is dumped by his celebrity girlfriend he tries to win her back with hilarious consequences, in this years hottest comedy!”
Owen Wilson plays loveable bumbling dufus “Owen Wilton” a third rate actor whose roles only ever seem to be comedy sidekick and dumb-ass friend. He hooks up with the beautiful up and coming actress “Katie Hudson” (played by Kate Hudson) daughter of mad surgery obsessed A-list actress “Goldie Horn” (hilariously played by Ben Stiller) who’s offered comedy roles her Mother used to play but who’s now too old to!
Wilton and Hudson literally ‘fall in love’ after she splits from her ex, failed rocker “Chris Rubitson” (Matt Dillon) at a baseball game, trips on a hotdog and lands in Wilton’s lap! Hah!
But tragedy strikes when grumpy over serious Wilton gets jealous as Hudson’s career takes off and his career “nosedives”. Hudson gets to hang out with MTV dufus “Dax Shitface” (Matt Dillon) and finally Wilton’s insanely jealousy pushes her into his arms!
Wilton then spends literally weeks crying and finally decides to end his life by cutting his wrists! In a hilarious scene of utter mayhem and buckets of blood, Wilton is saved and ends up in hospital where he is helped by a bumbling councilor and part time Karate instructor “Dr Fliedlice” (Jackie Chan at his chop-socky best) who tells Wilton he must win back Hudson with his help. And that’s where the fun really starts…
“When failed ‘action hero’ Owen Wilton is dumped by his celebrity girlfriend he tries to win her back with hilarious consequences, in this years hottest comedy!”
Owen Wilson plays loveable bumbling dufus “Owen Wilton” a third rate actor whose roles only ever seem to be comedy sidekick and dumb-ass friend. He hooks up with the beautiful up and coming actress “Katie Hudson” (played by Kate Hudson) daughter of mad surgery obsessed A-list actress “Goldie Horn” (hilariously played by Ben Stiller) who’s offered comedy roles her Mother used to play but who’s now too old to!
Wilton and Hudson literally ‘fall in love’ after she splits from her ex, failed rocker “Chris Rubitson” (Matt Dillon) at a baseball game, trips on a hotdog and lands in Wilton’s lap! Hah!
But tragedy strikes when grumpy over serious Wilton gets jealous as Hudson’s career takes off and his career “nosedives”. Hudson gets to hang out with MTV dufus “Dax Shitface” (Matt Dillon) and finally Wilton’s insanely jealousy pushes her into his arms!
Wilton then spends literally weeks crying and finally decides to end his life by cutting his wrists! In a hilarious scene of utter mayhem and buckets of blood, Wilton is saved and ends up in hospital where he is helped by a bumbling councilor and part time Karate instructor “Dr Fliedlice” (Jackie Chan at his chop-socky best) who tells Wilton he must win back Hudson with his help. And that’s where the fun really starts…
Bloody computers
I've been to 2 library's to put something on disc that is 'flipping' (cant swear on these comps cause they self censor!) hilarious and both of their computers disk drives have totoaly fudged up!I went to the library so I didn't have to spend my own phone connection cause I'm on dial up! waste of my time! Though I didn't bump into a mate from way back and he was as hansome as ever! Hi Kid Simmons!
Tuesday, 28 August 2007
Famous when Dead?
Jimmy Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Jim Morrison and Elvis. Amazingly talented musicians/singers! And yet the national news today is full of Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty! Now Hendrix, Joplin and Morrison left a body of work before they passed on from drink/drug addictions so they deserved news coverage. Where as Winehouse and Doherty have done bugger all to satisfy their media coverage except for behaving like complete arses. It’s like the 80’s with the Boy George has 3 days to live headlines. At least he has always had something to say. Amy has a bird’s nest on her head and a manly way about her, she’s in the same school as ‘American’ now boring Joss Stone and Lily “Keith” Allen. They all have distinctive voices but don’t offer much talent! Don’t even get me screaming about Kate “Posh voice” Nash. She’s a toff slumming it!
Doherty might be known in the music press as having amazing talent and his guitar playing may be half decent (when there’s not a needle about) but he hasn’t proved talented enough to be this God like character. He might speak a bit like Marc Bolan but he’s to busy in court/rehab/back of a cop van to actually contribute some real music. So the ‘scabloid’ press might be making it new worthy because of his dating Moss and constant possession drug charges but he’s about as talented at the moment as Lindsey Lohan!
Now what amazing films has she done? Mean Girls, maybe, but Herbie and Freaky Friday a star do not make! She’s more known for flashing her hairless minge and doing the hokey cokey whilst proclaiming she could fornicate with Jude Law and anyone else less fortunate!
Even Owen “Bloody” Wilson made the BBC1 headlines cause he may have tried to “off” himself (apparent suicide or cry for help or shaving/wrist accident! You decide!) Because his ex had been photographed snogging a Z-list MTV wanker!
“Man can you remember when Owen Wilson won that Oscar for Starsky and Hutch 2 and then followed it with Shanghai Days!”
“Yeah man! It totally rocked just like “You, Me and More Dupree!”
“Fucking-A dude! I liked Zoolander 2 – Zoo Harder!”
Any way, Pete and Amy get off the drugs or just end your lives now! If you don’t the papers will drive you to it!
Doherty might be known in the music press as having amazing talent and his guitar playing may be half decent (when there’s not a needle about) but he hasn’t proved talented enough to be this God like character. He might speak a bit like Marc Bolan but he’s to busy in court/rehab/back of a cop van to actually contribute some real music. So the ‘scabloid’ press might be making it new worthy because of his dating Moss and constant possession drug charges but he’s about as talented at the moment as Lindsey Lohan!
Now what amazing films has she done? Mean Girls, maybe, but Herbie and Freaky Friday a star do not make! She’s more known for flashing her hairless minge and doing the hokey cokey whilst proclaiming she could fornicate with Jude Law and anyone else less fortunate!
Even Owen “Bloody” Wilson made the BBC1 headlines cause he may have tried to “off” himself (apparent suicide or cry for help or shaving/wrist accident! You decide!) Because his ex had been photographed snogging a Z-list MTV wanker!
“Man can you remember when Owen Wilson won that Oscar for Starsky and Hutch 2 and then followed it with Shanghai Days!”
“Yeah man! It totally rocked just like “You, Me and More Dupree!”
“Fucking-A dude! I liked Zoolander 2 – Zoo Harder!”
Any way, Pete and Amy get off the drugs or just end your lives now! If you don’t the papers will drive you to it!
Thursday, 23 August 2007
The Bourne Ultimatum
Saw The Bourne Ultimatum! It was brilliant. Bit slow at the beginning and a few too many flashbacks but suddenly the tension steps up and the film races along. There are some fantastic fight scenes. One last a bit to long and made me and my cousin chuckle and cheer quietly when Bourne won by using a book! Also a slight free running bit with Jason on roofs and jumping through a window but it’s done without going all silly like the Bond film!
There are some Brilliant car chase scenes, probably better than the one with the crash at the end of the second film and some amazing crashes again. A brilliant car explosion and lookout for the exploding cleaners cart (bit of “CGI” but very funny! I don’t want to spoil it, but the ending wraps it all up nicely (bow and all) and comes full circle, literally!
Moby also has the end tune again which is nice and makes you feel the filmmakers understood the whole mood of Bourne! It really feels like a proper trilogy, the first film was amazing, the second film still good but couldn’t out do the first and this film really bring back all that was good about the first movie!
There are some Brilliant car chase scenes, probably better than the one with the crash at the end of the second film and some amazing crashes again. A brilliant car explosion and lookout for the exploding cleaners cart (bit of “CGI” but very funny! I don’t want to spoil it, but the ending wraps it all up nicely (bow and all) and comes full circle, literally!
Moby also has the end tune again which is nice and makes you feel the filmmakers understood the whole mood of Bourne! It really feels like a proper trilogy, the first film was amazing, the second film still good but couldn’t out do the first and this film really bring back all that was good about the first movie!
Cabin Fever is poo!
Crap Bin Fever – Teen Romp Horror by Numbers!
Ok so I've only just seen it, but at least I'm not reviewing it on hype, and if you haven't seen it this is a warning to just take it as a load of poop!
Six minutes in and it makes no sense! ‘Paul’ The Kid from ‘Boy Meets World’ (not that one, the other one!) gets bitten by a nutty mute kid (outside a general store in the middle of nowhere Hicksville) who’s stolen from ‘Deliverance’, then goes around back to wash his hands in some dirty stream and is approached by two stray dogs… Now at this point you might think he’d get bitten by them but no they’re friendly.
Now there’s nothing wrong with that except the fact, “he’s just been bitten by nutty mute kid”, why the bloomin hell would he not be weary of these two dogs. Dogs can be totally un-predictable so why does ‘Paul’ stroke the dogs; he also has a bloody hand. Mmmm the smell of blood could excite the dogs into a frenzy but “No” that isn’t even in his mind even though "HE JUST GOT BITTEN BY A NUTTY MUTE KID!" Fuck’s sake!
Oh and at the shop were introduced to a red neck guy and a dude who looks like father X-mass who says the N-word (It’s racist santa!).And are we meant to hate all these characters form the outset of the film? They certainly come across as horrid!
The Guilty---
Paul – a goddamn wuss! And possibly meant to represent everyman!
Geoff – What’s with the blonde hair and sunglasses man, is that a euro porn look you got going on? He definitely has arse issues. He likes stuff up the bum from his girl! He’s the bitch!
Burke – NRA type guy. Redneck, hick and utter moron! Has to die!
Karen – A blonde, dull, possible lesbian tease to poor Paul!
Big Boobs – The other one. A swearing slut stereotype!
1) Burke’s fire ‘would have’ burnt the fuck out of that forest. So why did he freak out after shooting that guy with an air rifle? Because of his manky face? There are no signs at that point the guy is diseased, he’s just a bit scabby… not contagious with a mutant zombie killer manky disease!!!
2) Eli Roth (the director) stars in the film as Slacker Dude and show’s he can’t act, his timing is way out and his character doesn’t suit the mood of the film.
3) After the group set alight homeless type dude they act really really calm about it. But then Big Boobs suddenly flips out (after being cool) and Burke remains calm, when he’s always angry? They totally reverse roles!
4) Then Burke, Paul and Geoff have a pointless argument about nothing except maybe to show tension and that there not close at all. Why did they go away together then?
5) When nothing happens eerie music kicks in to help add some non-existent tension.
6) Why does Big Boobs think rowing to get help/find the homeless guy is a good idea? She doesn’t know the place at all and was scared of being alone at one point? But at least we get some scary music and some focusing on Big Boob’s skin tight jeans/bottom for a few pointless minutes!
Deputy Winston Olsen (who I think rocks) but again doesn’t suit the mood of the film, acts about 16 years old and not a cop turns up! Has a nice stick on mustache, rides a bicycle and informs us he gets pussy and thinks Paul is a guy who like to ‘Party’ with the ladies. How wrong is he!
7) A wild rabid dog comes out of nowhere and Paul is scared straight away, which makes a change compared to earlier!
8) Then everytime people drink the water the music gets spooky. Does this signify that the water is dirty? If you think yes then how come nobody else in the town is infected all ready? Surely they all drink the same water? Is it from the lake, or is it the houses own supply, then why does the lorry at the end mean anything? Not sure if the writers know 100%.
9) Everyone strips down to frumpy vests and shorts to see if they are infected with “The Mank”, Big Boobs has really frumpy pants and vest. How come, they all have the same type of undies? Big Boobs would have had saucy knickers!
10) Karen gets locked in the shed, copying many films and looking a bit Evil Dead like! Nobody remembers the scary dog introduced earlier, it’s been totally forgotten for this scene!
11) Scary dog is remembered when nothing is happening to push the plot forward!
12) Burke realizes he has “The Mank” and so does Karen! But we don’t care!
13) Big Boobs and Paul “fuck” unconvincingly, just so we can see her tits and up the age rating of the film. Probably because the writers can’t do conversations!
14) Paul washes his knob with Listerine whilst Big Boobs show us her boobs again in the bathroom mirror and to show she may have “The Mank”.
15) A fuuny bit for no reason! Burke goes back to the shop and Dennis (biting boy) now has a sign behind him, “Do not sit next to Dennis!”. Dennis freaks out and shouts “Pancakes” and does some crazy Kung-Fu shit and bites Burke thus getting “The Mank”!
16) Paul goes to find Geoff who ran off and sees a dead body floating upside down in the water (its obvious it’s not Geoff!). He goes to check if it’s Geoff (It still isn’t), but he can’t reach and grabs a branch and climbs down a rickety unsafe/untested ladder to get closer (Paul for fuck sake it’s so not him!). He leans and touches the body. It flips over and it’s not Geoff (Damn!), it’s the tramp dude! Paul brakes the rickety ladder and falls in thus getting “The Mank” (we presume, though he did shag big boobs and drink some water and stuff).
17) Big Boobs has a bath and discovers she has “The Mank”, it looks like we might not see her boobs, then we dude! Phew! We here a gunshot and Big Boobs runs outside in dressing gown (Cripes clothes!) and the scary dog turns up (remember him!) and we see from his point of view (a low down camera with a red filter!). It has “The Mank”.
18) Big Boobs is killed by the scary dog and Karen is noshed on. Paul finds bits of Big Boobs and foes to check on the body of Karen, she is all skeleton faced and alive!!! Paul gets balls and batters her to death!
19) There is a comedy shoot out with Burke and Paul getting revenge on shop Rednecks (thought Burke dies, hoorah!). It’s funny but totally over the top!
20) For no reason Paul realizes that the water is to blame (or did I blink?). “Geoff! Don’t drink the water!”. That explains everything!!!
21) Paul is in an accident with a rubbish deer and slaughters it and get’s a ton of blood on hid face. He must have “The Mank” now!
22) Paul comes across partying Deputy Dude and pals! A radio police report makes everyone turn on Paul (except Deputy dude!) and Pauls coughs up blood but not on everyone and yet one of the party people suddenly coughs up blood! Is there no time on “The Mank”? It took Karen ages to get infected! Crikey scarper dudes! Oh no, “The Mank” might spread!
23) Paul run’s off! The only point of the film now is if there is a twist or a spooky type ending. There is no reason for more film. Paul must die! Later Paul turns up in hospital to tell the cops about “The Mank”.
24) Geoff’s not dead and stumbles out of hiding. He goes abck to the lodge and see’s all the crazy shit tha’s happened! He goes into Oscar acting mode showing his range of emotions and en’s on elation! Wher by he is shot byt the deputy’s! we learn they are there to clean up by burning and disposing of the bodies! Containment!
25) Except for the fact Paul’s body suddenly tun’s up dumoed by the river! Why for fuck’s sake? Does this mean he will leak “The Mank” in the river?
26) hang on ther’s some kids collecting water from the river! But why? They are making lemonade (why not from the tap?) to sell outside the store, to the deput’s!
27) Some awful black sterotypes turn up listening to R n’ B! they enter Santa’s store, remember he said the N-word earlier! He is down with them and speaks ‘black speak’ (I’m being sarcastic here and mocking the writers who were so obviously white writing that bit)! then suddenly ton’s of tourists turn up (where’s infected Dennis gone?) and they are buying lemonade and then we see a truck with “Down Home Spring Water” on it! This means the world will be infected. Oh Christ! Damn! Shit! That’s it whilst the credit’s are going I’m gonna slit my wrists! Oh Christ! Hang on there’s a bit at the end! I’s Santa in the shop! What’s he sayin, “Arrgh, Word!”. Black Speak from an old white guy, hilarious. No, soory I’m still depressed from the down beat ending and my wrists are leaking and I’m starting to feel c...
Ok so I've only just seen it, but at least I'm not reviewing it on hype, and if you haven't seen it this is a warning to just take it as a load of poop!
Six minutes in and it makes no sense! ‘Paul’ The Kid from ‘Boy Meets World’ (not that one, the other one!) gets bitten by a nutty mute kid (outside a general store in the middle of nowhere Hicksville) who’s stolen from ‘Deliverance’, then goes around back to wash his hands in some dirty stream and is approached by two stray dogs… Now at this point you might think he’d get bitten by them but no they’re friendly.
Now there’s nothing wrong with that except the fact, “he’s just been bitten by nutty mute kid”, why the bloomin hell would he not be weary of these two dogs. Dogs can be totally un-predictable so why does ‘Paul’ stroke the dogs; he also has a bloody hand. Mmmm the smell of blood could excite the dogs into a frenzy but “No” that isn’t even in his mind even though "HE JUST GOT BITTEN BY A NUTTY MUTE KID!" Fuck’s sake!
Oh and at the shop were introduced to a red neck guy and a dude who looks like father X-mass who says the N-word (It’s racist santa!).And are we meant to hate all these characters form the outset of the film? They certainly come across as horrid!
The Guilty---
Paul – a goddamn wuss! And possibly meant to represent everyman!
Geoff – What’s with the blonde hair and sunglasses man, is that a euro porn look you got going on? He definitely has arse issues. He likes stuff up the bum from his girl! He’s the bitch!
Burke – NRA type guy. Redneck, hick and utter moron! Has to die!
Karen – A blonde, dull, possible lesbian tease to poor Paul!
Big Boobs – The other one. A swearing slut stereotype!
1) Burke’s fire ‘would have’ burnt the fuck out of that forest. So why did he freak out after shooting that guy with an air rifle? Because of his manky face? There are no signs at that point the guy is diseased, he’s just a bit scabby… not contagious with a mutant zombie killer manky disease!!!
2) Eli Roth (the director) stars in the film as Slacker Dude and show’s he can’t act, his timing is way out and his character doesn’t suit the mood of the film.
3) After the group set alight homeless type dude they act really really calm about it. But then Big Boobs suddenly flips out (after being cool) and Burke remains calm, when he’s always angry? They totally reverse roles!
4) Then Burke, Paul and Geoff have a pointless argument about nothing except maybe to show tension and that there not close at all. Why did they go away together then?
5) When nothing happens eerie music kicks in to help add some non-existent tension.
6) Why does Big Boobs think rowing to get help/find the homeless guy is a good idea? She doesn’t know the place at all and was scared of being alone at one point? But at least we get some scary music and some focusing on Big Boob’s skin tight jeans/bottom for a few pointless minutes!
Deputy Winston Olsen (who I think rocks) but again doesn’t suit the mood of the film, acts about 16 years old and not a cop turns up! Has a nice stick on mustache, rides a bicycle and informs us he gets pussy and thinks Paul is a guy who like to ‘Party’ with the ladies. How wrong is he!
7) A wild rabid dog comes out of nowhere and Paul is scared straight away, which makes a change compared to earlier!
8) Then everytime people drink the water the music gets spooky. Does this signify that the water is dirty? If you think yes then how come nobody else in the town is infected all ready? Surely they all drink the same water? Is it from the lake, or is it the houses own supply, then why does the lorry at the end mean anything? Not sure if the writers know 100%.
9) Everyone strips down to frumpy vests and shorts to see if they are infected with “The Mank”, Big Boobs has really frumpy pants and vest. How come, they all have the same type of undies? Big Boobs would have had saucy knickers!
10) Karen gets locked in the shed, copying many films and looking a bit Evil Dead like! Nobody remembers the scary dog introduced earlier, it’s been totally forgotten for this scene!
11) Scary dog is remembered when nothing is happening to push the plot forward!
12) Burke realizes he has “The Mank” and so does Karen! But we don’t care!
13) Big Boobs and Paul “fuck” unconvincingly, just so we can see her tits and up the age rating of the film. Probably because the writers can’t do conversations!
14) Paul washes his knob with Listerine whilst Big Boobs show us her boobs again in the bathroom mirror and to show she may have “The Mank”.
15) A fuuny bit for no reason! Burke goes back to the shop and Dennis (biting boy) now has a sign behind him, “Do not sit next to Dennis!”. Dennis freaks out and shouts “Pancakes” and does some crazy Kung-Fu shit and bites Burke thus getting “The Mank”!
16) Paul goes to find Geoff who ran off and sees a dead body floating upside down in the water (its obvious it’s not Geoff!). He goes to check if it’s Geoff (It still isn’t), but he can’t reach and grabs a branch and climbs down a rickety unsafe/untested ladder to get closer (Paul for fuck sake it’s so not him!). He leans and touches the body. It flips over and it’s not Geoff (Damn!), it’s the tramp dude! Paul brakes the rickety ladder and falls in thus getting “The Mank” (we presume, though he did shag big boobs and drink some water and stuff).
17) Big Boobs has a bath and discovers she has “The Mank”, it looks like we might not see her boobs, then we dude! Phew! We here a gunshot and Big Boobs runs outside in dressing gown (Cripes clothes!) and the scary dog turns up (remember him!) and we see from his point of view (a low down camera with a red filter!). It has “The Mank”.
18) Big Boobs is killed by the scary dog and Karen is noshed on. Paul finds bits of Big Boobs and foes to check on the body of Karen, she is all skeleton faced and alive!!! Paul gets balls and batters her to death!
19) There is a comedy shoot out with Burke and Paul getting revenge on shop Rednecks (thought Burke dies, hoorah!). It’s funny but totally over the top!
20) For no reason Paul realizes that the water is to blame (or did I blink?). “Geoff! Don’t drink the water!”. That explains everything!!!
21) Paul is in an accident with a rubbish deer and slaughters it and get’s a ton of blood on hid face. He must have “The Mank” now!
22) Paul comes across partying Deputy Dude and pals! A radio police report makes everyone turn on Paul (except Deputy dude!) and Pauls coughs up blood but not on everyone and yet one of the party people suddenly coughs up blood! Is there no time on “The Mank”? It took Karen ages to get infected! Crikey scarper dudes! Oh no, “The Mank” might spread!
23) Paul run’s off! The only point of the film now is if there is a twist or a spooky type ending. There is no reason for more film. Paul must die! Later Paul turns up in hospital to tell the cops about “The Mank”.
24) Geoff’s not dead and stumbles out of hiding. He goes abck to the lodge and see’s all the crazy shit tha’s happened! He goes into Oscar acting mode showing his range of emotions and en’s on elation! Wher by he is shot byt the deputy’s! we learn they are there to clean up by burning and disposing of the bodies! Containment!
25) Except for the fact Paul’s body suddenly tun’s up dumoed by the river! Why for fuck’s sake? Does this mean he will leak “The Mank” in the river?
26) hang on ther’s some kids collecting water from the river! But why? They are making lemonade (why not from the tap?) to sell outside the store, to the deput’s!
27) Some awful black sterotypes turn up listening to R n’ B! they enter Santa’s store, remember he said the N-word earlier! He is down with them and speaks ‘black speak’ (I’m being sarcastic here and mocking the writers who were so obviously white writing that bit)! then suddenly ton’s of tourists turn up (where’s infected Dennis gone?) and they are buying lemonade and then we see a truck with “Down Home Spring Water” on it! This means the world will be infected. Oh Christ! Damn! Shit! That’s it whilst the credit’s are going I’m gonna slit my wrists! Oh Christ! Hang on there’s a bit at the end! I’s Santa in the shop! What’s he sayin, “Arrgh, Word!”. Black Speak from an old white guy, hilarious. No, soory I’m still depressed from the down beat ending and my wrists are leaking and I’m starting to feel c...
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