Rants/September 2001 to May 2002

THE TOP TEN ANNOYING THINGS - Rants from between September 2001 to May 2002

1: The Mummy film/cartoon - Oh just rip off Indiana Jones very badly why don't you. After watching the Indiana Trilogy I realised how poor the mummy films actually were.

2: Bin Laden - Happy X-mas wherever you may be!

3: Skateboarders - Fuckin' vermin.

4: 'Spiderman' in May - You twats, your putting it up against 'Star Wars Episode II', just because you had to edit out the Twin Towers.

5: Eastenders - Was there a decent plot this year. Phils baby? Yawn.

6: The Weather - It's bloomin freezing.

7: Lying Newspapers - Obviously making up everything about Terrorism, but saying that 'Something about Mary' was going to be on over X-mas. It wasn't!

8: Bin Bags - Lazy dustman can't get out of bed like the rest of us to work on New Years eve and so the streets are like London during the plague.

9: ITV moving stuff in the schedules - Taking off 'The Hunt for Red October' to show a prog about Sarah's Law (fuck Sarah, Oh he did). Then the same night showing 'Night and Day' later to put on a 'Pop Idol' special. Why?

10: The cinema not showing Spy Game - Has 'Harry Potter', 'Mean Machine' and other shite but not the fims I want to see.

11: Shit X-mas Tele - 'Only fools would watch this', 'Who wants to cut there hair' and Wanking with Dinosaurs (sorry The Lost world). Only an idiot would watch this shite and they did in there millions!

12: New SMTV Live - One crap blonde female presenter and a gimp campy bloke I could be talking about the Saturday show.

13: Work - A load of crap. We get bugger all time off over the New year and so I give back my respect with shitty work!

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THE TOP TEN ANNOYING THINGS - Week ending 18/11/01

1: Terrorism Bill - Absolute crap. It's a travesty that this was allowed through! "They will never take away are freedom." Oh they have!

2: Jobcentre - Sent me a letter saying I didn't apply for a job in September and now they can stop my money. I can't even remember that far back. Anyway I did apply for it and I have a rejection letter. Told jobcentre this and they say I'm the second person to have this problem! Idiots!

3: "Fuck the Police" - Absolute cunts at the moment. Can't say why but they should be arresting people who commit crimes and not set people up, especially at Christmas!

4: Friendsreunited websites - Good idea, but not when you see all your mates doing the same old thing. "I'm married, have kids, work in finance and am very happy." Dull,dull,dull. Our parents did this and are they happy? NO!

5: Planes just blowing up? - Not suspicious at all. And don't spread rumours it was terrorists just yet. Why? You did straight away after September 11th. And we still have no concrete evidence it was the Taliban.

6: Anthrax 1 - Just like Foot and Mouth, a suspicious arrival and then it stops. Government cover-up, I think so.

7: Fireworks - Don't ban fireworks because of global terrorism, ban them because they are f-ing irritating. And people, stop setting them off after 11pm some people need to sleep. And still using fireworks two weeks after bonfire night makes you a spaz!

8: Anthrax 2 - If I was going to spread it I'd put it in Coke or McDonalds food. Not that I'm encouraging terrorists to do it, though they'd wipe out loads of stupid people. Second thoughts put it in Sunny D.

9: Films that continue after the news - I thought this went out with the plague? We hate it when you do this, so don't.

10: Adverts trying to be ironic/sarcastic - Trying to be ironic by throwing loads of cash at ironic advert idea is the real irony, isn't it?

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THE TOP SEVEN ANNOYING THINGS - Week ending 4/11/01

1: Celebrity 'What's Goin' On' - You should be ashamed if you took part. Originaaly a song for Aids charities then Sept 11th attacks. Totally spoiled by crap rapping about how we should fight back. Marvin Gaye is turning in his grave as the lyrics clearly say, "WAR IS NOT THE ANSWER." Fred Durst sings the worst bit of the song. You bring shame on your households! But it's for the kids!

2: George W Bush - George 'Monkey boy' Bush you are a silly little man who wants to be remembered for being a hero and not for ignoring the Kyoto environment agreement, and for walking out of the Durban conference on racism. Did I forget to mention he cheated getting elected by ignoring Black votes? And he also insisted on restarting the arms race and this was mentioned before September 11th, did he know something?

3: Banning computer games - If I want to crash a computer plane into a building it's my right to do so in the privacy of my own home. "Hey, lets burn books while we're at it."

4: TV Terrorism - The media complaining that it's not a TV war and the footage is crap for them to show. "Oh I'm so sorry... It's such a shame you can't put these attacks to music like you did with the towers falling. You could have played Adamski's 'Killer' or Michael Jackson's 'Rock my World' as the bombs hit there targets."

5: George W Bush again - "You look like a monkey, and you live in the zoo". George is an evil devil child just like his Dad, and it's his George Snr's fault in the first place that Bin Laden is so well trained. The CIA helped train the fucker and now they have to cover up what they messed up. You shit sir!

6: Northern Ireland school protests - It's not about religion anymore it's all about stuberness, refusing to change and stupidity. If you don't respect others and live and let live you will never have peace. I can't see the next generation changing either. And now they want to extend a wall that seperates the two. Why not add a sniper tower, checkpoint and concentration camp while your at it?

7: Anthrax - 'Bring the Noise' with Public Enemy was the best song they did. But poisoning the US and killing a man is going to drop album sales.



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THE TOP TEN ANNOYING THINGS - Week ending 26/08/01

1: Embrace - All your songs sound the same and you always write identical choruses that you think have a sing along quality to them, like Oasis in the old days, but they suck, just like Oasis.

2: Buses - Too hot and too packed.

3: My local newsagents - Last Sunday it smelt of (a)piss, (b)someone who died, (c)toxic waste or (d) a,b and c? I don't know what happened but it was answer (d).

4: Q magazine - Used to be good but is now turning into rubbish Select, NME and Kerrang. M and M and Limp Biscuit have been on the cover and rubbish Feeder and Slip Not have been inside. Select died because it turned into Kerrang/Smash hits don't let Q go the same way.

5: ITV Premiership Football Week 2 - More football, less viewers!!! Hoorah for the public!


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THE TOP TEN ANNOYING THINGS (In case I'm late here's two lots) - Week ending 19/08/01

1: Strobe pissing - having to wee in toilets with flicking lights is not fun it's scarey and you need to be accurate.

2: Eastenders x4 - I have to much to do at the weekend, I don't want to spend more time cathching up on what I missed.

3: Lust - It's too hot to be lusting after beautiful girls even if they are wearing tiny, tiny denim shorts.

4: Being layed off - It's not just being layed off, it's how they did it. they gave us a standard letter and a weeks notice, that's it. Fuck you!

5: Stuff - "The things you own, they end up owning you". I have so much crap that it would take ages to properly dust or move house. It sucks!

6: Work Bonuses - The quicker I do my work but with the less care and attention the bigger my bonus was, "That's just crazy!"

7: Rubbish Planet of the Apes ending - It's just shit compared to the original. Tim Burton you bring shame on your scruffy head.

8: The Jobcentre fool - This guy went crazy because he refused to fill out any forms, and then he tore up some paper that he didn't want to fill in. Turns out he didn't have to fill in that bit anyway. Fool!

9: ITV Premiership Football Week 1 - 28 minutes of football in a 75 minute show, 4.3 million viewers and falling. Told you so!

10: Crap ITV USA magic shows - Hi! I'm the voice of Skinner in the 'X-files', I was also in the half good film 'Shocker'. Welcome to a crap magic show with lame old magic tricks that we have livened up by putting the magician in a mask, getting sexy ladies as assistants, and showing you how to do the rubbish trick, thus spoiling your enjoyment.



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THE TOP TEN ANNOYING THINGS (I'm late here's two lots) - Week ending 12/07/01

1: Brasseye - It made me roar with the laughter, and everyone I know. Fuck the gutter press and people who didn't see it.

2: 'Helen' Big Brother - Stupidity should not be held in esteem. Lucky she didn'y get her stupid hands on £70,000.

3: Survivor - Because it's a stinking pile of... Oh sorry it's ended. Forget what I was saying then. I'll stop talking about this show now!

4: Eastenders - 5 billion times a week, now even less plots. Sharon picks fluff from the carpet while Mark counts the tablets from the doctors when suddenly Ian picks his nose!

5: ITV's Saturday evening football - We hate football, there's digital for that. One good reason for getting a life and going out I suppose.

6: Survivor 2 - You fucking what. It was shit, a sequel won't make it any bigger.

7: X-box - Is this cool. NO!

8: The Queen Mum - She's not ROBOCOP. It's time to stop sticking her back together and let her rest in peace.

9: Atomic Kitten - For ruining Eternal Flame. You can't even sing the high notes. And Jenny Frost should stop having her tiny breasts falling out all over the shop.

10: Bombs in summer - Fuck off terrorists.



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THE TOP FIVE ANNOYING THINGS - Week ending 29/07/01

1: Weather - Hot, hot, hot, raining, hot, freezing. Where's the middle weather?

2: Davina McCall - Just have the baby. Stop being on every show, you know you peaked on Gods Gift, so stop now.

3: Kate Thornton - Also on everything. Stop smoking you rubbish presenter.

4: Infections - Antibiotics do not clear up everything, I can tell you!

5: Spiders in toilets - They are going to jump on me when I squat my bott. I will shit myself, but at least I'm in the right place! Demons, evil!!!



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THE TOP FIVE ANNOYING THINGS - Week ending 22/07/01

1: Spiderman.sony website - Has the trailer for the new movie, but I didn't see it as it crashed my computer. Is that my spidersense tingling? No, it's a nervous twinge.

2: Jurrassic Park III - Why for christs sake?

3: Carol Vorderman - Your getting to big for your boots now, leave the net alone. Back to being fat and frumpy 'Plain Jane Superbrain!

4: Home and Away - The greatest soap ever! But it's on Channel 5, which I can't get.

5: Facial hair - Almost a beard except for that patchy bit on the side of the face. And half a mutton chop sideburn. Cheers face!



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THE TOP FIVE ANNOYING THINGS - Week ending 15/07/01

1: Robert Downey Jnr - Sort it out Rob. We want you back on the screen! You ruled in Ally McBeal.

2: The Good Friday Agreement - It was agreed on when dinosaurs rules the earth, no guns were ever handed in, people still got killed and they want to work on it again. Like putting a band-aid on a gunshot wound. "Get out, get the firebrigade out, and stay out!"

3: Garry Bushell - A twat, and two R's in his name!!

4: 'The Sun' - I didn't realise that they once had a fifteen year old girl strip each day until her sixteenth bithday when she got her baps out. Paedophiles, not the sun!

5: Big Brother 3 ? - It's a bit much now. Stop before it becomes Survivor.



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THE TOP FIVE ANNOYING THINGS - Week ending 08/07/01

1: Surviror - Is it still on it's really rubbish. Why would anybody care about people being angry. Oops, I've done myself out of a job there! Destinys Child did a better and shorter song on the subject. Lucy Sullivan still isn't married - Shit but compulsive after work veiwing

2: Paul - Big Brothers Paul is like a teenage boy flirting and fighting with Helen, but being to scared to push it further. Big G better kick his ass. And his comments on Josh verged on Homophobic, Josh should of brushed of his hug and told him to F-OFF.

3: People who talk to much - Just get to the point, I don't care about little details.

4: No DVD extras - I don't have a 'Dick Van Dyke' machine but what's the point of the technology if you don't get all the extras. How about a free booklet!

5: GMTV'S 'Get up and Give' - No thanks!



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THE TOP FIVE ANNOYING THINGS - Week ending 01/07/01

1: Ignoring Health and Safety practices - When theres an air conditioning unit leaking next to my computer, putting a bucket next to it to catch water is not the proper safety response. It is if you work at my company. Idiot!

2: Computers - So slow and they crash! The technology of the future? Not if there's a powercut or you type to quickly.

3: Dust - It's is annoying and makes you sneeze and cough. Cleaning it up brings it back x2.

4: No summer - Not a bad thing except we get all the rain instead.

5: Not being able to sleep - I get in from work, I'm wide awake and it's nearly midnight. And only Channel 4 has good shows on.



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THE TOP FIVE ANNOYING THINGS - Week ending 24/06/01

1: GMTV - Jill Dando's killer is branded as everything under the son, but worse, they used the word eccentric. which they made out to be linked with sicko's and paedophiles. I like eccentric people don't use this word with this story.

2: Work - I work my ass off, and I get a fair bit of cash, but I end up neglecting the house, internet, hobbies and music. If this is the real world I have retirement to look forward to. If I was currently in a relationship I'd have to ignore her too. I might get time then to listen to some of the albums I got for my birthday. I'm 24 now, did you get me a present, No!

3: Global Brand corruption - I've just read 'No Logo', and I feel ashamed to wearing Nike trainers! And I don't eat at McDonalds , but I do eat meat. I'M NOT A HIPPIE!!!

4: TV's Trisha - A forum for stupidity. When should stupidity be rewarded.

5: Waiting for phone calls - Hang on while I put my life on hold.



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THE TOP FIVE ANNOYING THINGS - Week ending 17/06/01

1: Stereotyping me! - Just because I read a David Icke book, people should stop saying that all my theories on life etc are conspiracies and from that, "bloody Icke bloke". David Icke is a top bloke don't use his name in vain.

2: Finding churches funny - I'm sorry but it wasn't nerves at a funeral that made me have a big grin. It was funny, I haven't been in a church for a long time and all the stuff about God and Jesus seemed so out of date. I'm not knocking faith it might work for some, but I've read stuff recently that has knocked religion and me off my feet. Hello Vatican corruption...

3: Voting - I wasn't going to and then changed my mind. Locally we only had Labour, Conservative and Green. So I had to vote green as they were less evil, even though I don't agree with all they say!

3: Politicains - Cheap shot but I don't care who is running for the Conservative top seat. The insiders and spin doctors allready know who is going to win.

4: Hookers - Well not hookers but girls who are under 15, dressed like hookers. It's not big or clever raiding your mothers make up box. "How much for a quick one?"

5: Television - Stop cancelling programmes to show specials. ITV, you always take off shows to have a Trevor McDonald exclusive.



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THE TOP TEN ANNOYING THINGS - Weeks ending 03/06/01 TO 10/06/01 (I'VE BEEN SLACKING!)

1: Colds - I have all the symptoms of heyfever but It's just a cold that I have. And where is all that snot form my nose coming from?

2: Survivor again - You pulled Lucy Sullivan because it was shit so do the same with this. I don't want to know how much money was thrown at the advertising, it's as dead as the rats they killed.

3: Voting - To be honest whats the point? We fought two wars to make your vote count, you shouldn't have bothered!

4: The Library - Some bastard hasn't brought the book I wanted back yet and it's overdue. Where's my David Icke book?

5: Junk mail - Can I have some real letters now.

6: New Skateboarders - I hate New Skateboarders as much as New Metal. They where thick wooly hats and hooded tops in the blazing sun (the new equivalant of goths) and get in the way of everything. Give it a year and they'll join the next fad.

7: Work - It's hot and they've run out of water for the 'water cooler', we will all die...

8: Prince - Listened to most of his old albums and now know that he's not as good 'now' as he used to be.

9: BBC1 - Showing David Fincher's 'Seven' next week, in two parts? This isn't like the cinema in the old days where they'd swap film reels and you could piss on an ice-cream (or have a piss and get an ice-cream even!).

10: Rants - When you don't do them every week you forget what you were angry about, and as you can see the rants are a bit weak this time!



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THE TOP FIVE ANNOYING THINGS - Week ending 27/05/01

1:ITV's Survivor - It's not Big Brother, stop trying to make it into something really big by mass media hype. Stop the papers naming someone Nasty Nick (like Big Brother). It gets beaten in the ratings by a gardening show.

2: Big Bother 2 - Luckily I've been working so I haven't seen the even bigger hype of this. It won't be as good as the first one and now everyone is jumping on the bandwagon like it's new!.

3: The election campaign - Lies all lies!

4: Late night tv - Not as good as it used to be. Where's 'Cue the music', 'Get Stuffed', 'God's Gift', 'Sienfeld' or 'The Gary Shandling Show' (Larry Sanders).

5: Music pre-release hype - "Is it out in the shops yet? No it's out in two months time". So why can I hear it on the radio. Idiots!



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THE TOP FIVE ANNOYING THINGS - Week ending 20/05/01

1: My new job - It sucks making maps on computers, I've been there a week and they expect me to know how to do everything. Twats!.

2: John Prescott - Doesn't everyone think he's a good bloke now he's smacked someone. I bleeding don't, I don't agree with most of the adult population then. And everyone saying the bloke he hit was a hippy, shut up, you don't know anyhing.

3: BBC1 - For taking off the programme about Oaklahoma bomber Timothy McVeigh. Channel 4 showed an excellent documentary but I wanted to compare it with the BBC's one sided account, probably.

4: Time - Far to slow when you want it to speed up and bloody fast when your having fun! You suck time.

5: The General Election and all that goes with it - Don't tell me I should vote. Locally we will probably only get Labour and Conservative. Why should I be forced to vote Labour, the lesser of two evils when they are still shit. I feel bad for voting them in... Your all rubbish at local level and corrupt higher up.


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THE TOP FIVE ANNOYING THINGS - Week ending 13/05/01

1: Starting new Jobs - The first day is always really tense and you feel like you can't hold down any food. The day is really, really long and you have to alter your sleep pattern to get up and you didn't sleep very well anyway.

2: The Bafta Awards - Rubbish Ali G got an award, and all the media cared about was the dress that girl from Hollyoaks wasn't wearing and Tamzin Outhwaite's backless dress. And Emmerdale won best soap!

3: Having 3 phone calls in a row - I get in from work, cook tea and then sit my depressed arse down to have the phone go three times. I wanted a bit of quiet time for myself, but nooooooo!!!

4: That Lottery couple - Shut up already, 'Camelot' hate you and so do the public.

5: FBI mistakes - Forgetting to give the prosecution team for the Oklahoma bomber trial 'three Thousand bits of evidence'. Did they forget and it was just cluttering up an entire room. Oh and have they killed anyone innocent lately, No? Give it time!



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THE TOP FIVE ANNOYING THINGS - Week ending 06/05/01

1: Sara Cox - Is she drunk? When I hear her on the Radio and she gets excited I can't understand a word she says. She's the new un-funny Zoe Ball (she wasn't much cop either just look at the Priory!). And piss off Emma B (the un-funny Sara Cox).

2: Chris Evans marrying Billie - As a fan of Billie this angers me much. She's young so I'll catch her on the rebound. I give it a year.

3: Crap neighbours - It's Monday, it's time to put the bin bags out the front of your house and they've left theirs for three weeks at the back of the house. Your not old, and you leave your washing out for four days. Fucking retards. I'm waiting for the rats to come.

4: Ronnie Biggs - Fuck off, we don't want has been robbers sucking up our money in prison. Sun newspaper be ashamed of youselves.

5: Big Breakfast - Even the rats have left this sinking ship, (to live with my neighbours). Asking viewers to send in letters on how to save the show and then insulting their comments is sad. Richard Bacon you used to be funny, say hello to Live TV2. Donna Air needs putting down, say hello Byker Grove 2020.



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THE TOP FIVE ANNOYING THINGS - Week ending 29/04/01

1: The Jobcentre rules - If you turn up to early then you can have your benifits stopped. I'm sorry, since when has being early ever been a bad thing. OK so during sex, yeah, but early for the jobcentre it shows your albe to get your arse moved for jobs!

2: Still Foot and Mouth - I don't care if Phoenix the calf has been saved and I care less about if it's in panto this year. What is the world coming to when a cow becomes famous for fifthteen minutes, Andy Warhol turns in his gracve.

3: Bad parents - On the bus again, where there was two teenagers with smelly dirty kids whom they ignored until one of the kids bashed themselves on the head with the seat in front. Why were the girls distracted? They were talking about boys. I'm sorry your not having sex ever again, you did it once got pregnant and that's bad enough. No more babies!

4:Racism - Nazi skinheaded Conservative leader William Hague, sort your party out. And Tony, don't think you deserve to be PM, you can't sort out Foot and Mouth!

5: Kids - Stop breaking my neighbours green house, you little fuckers don't even live around here you live in the 'Ghetto'.



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THE TOP FIVE ANNOYING THINGS - Week ending 22/04/01

1: Television coverage of the Foot and Mouth Crisis - I was bored with it about ten months ago. And I don't want to see dead animals when I'm eating!

2: My Arse - It's quite sore and tender at the moment, but is the media interested, is it fuck. I don't see many email sympathy letters either.

3: Buses - The one I got on the other day stank of animal piss, and mobile phones kept going off. And someone closed the window because it was cold, better cold than getting a whiff of wee!

4: Wallpapering - The wall isn't straight, the paper is patterened, a mother isn't happy. It's not the end of the world love!

5: Job Interviews - I don't actually care about the history of the company I want to know how much I get payed. And don't pretend that the environments a happy family and that your a nice boss. "Why am I replacing the last person who left?"



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Things that will annoy me for life

1: Ex girlfriends - We don't get on anymore, and I tend to have nothing to do with the anymore, which doesn't help when you see them out of the blue and you both don't know what to say.

2: Songs from the past - Can bring back happier times, but usually make you depressed. Curse you music for making me this way.

3: A certain person - My arch nemisis dying in an accident. He was a good person but I disliked him for going out with my ex. When he died I was in America, and had been thinking about him and when I came back I heard the new and I was glad. But it's not nice to feel happy because of his family. Emotions can't be helped but I hope he's happy...

4: The Government - So evil that words cannot convey how I feel about them. I will say I'm ashamed to be British, and without swearing that insult is worse than any other.

5: Stupid people - Sadly they don't know who they are. You will see them on TV's 'Trisha', 'Kilroy' and 'Jerry Springer'. They are the ones shouting and swearing because they can't argue properly and they have no comprehension of earth language. They can be found fighting in clubs and pubs over the weekend.

6: The News - It's dumbed down, doesn't offer an unbiased view (just a white middle class view), makes you angry and doesn't ask the questions we want answers to, too the government.

7: Spelling - Not having a spelling function on notepad, that's why there are grammatical errors on my pages. Not because I can't spell of course,(I got two C's in English/English Lit).

8: The Big Breakfast - I just imagine it will annoy me for the rest of my life. The horror, the horror, the horror...

9: Teenagers/ young people - Now I'm grown up I hate them, they're not as nice as people used to be. They swear to old people, don't respect teachers, the police or people who don't agree with them. We should kill them all they will be bad parents and they're kids will be twice as worse!