Anne Widdecombe Versus! The return of the unpopular documentary series. Guaranteed to get you yelling at The TV an eating your sofa cushions.
1) Anne Widdecombe Versus – Dinosaurs.
Tonight Anne considers what can be done to address the problem of dinosaurs that flatly refuse to exist anymore. In addition to asking if T-Rex’s are “clever girls”, she visits Leicester where some scientists are being offered incentives in a bid to reintroduce dinosaurs back into society!
2) Anne Widdecombe Versus – Time.
Tonight Anne decides to confront time and force it to meet the parents of people who have lost their children to time and hopes to reduce it to tears through this and other bullying tactics.
3) Anne Widdecombe Versus – Anal Sex
Tonight Anne forces her tiny arse hole to suffer penetration just so it knows how painful and harmful anal sex really is! She explores both male and female penetration just for you the thick as pig shit public!
4) Anne Widdecombe Versus – The Volcano
After learning she has a brain cloud and only six months to live, Anne realizes she has been to scared to live properly, and accepts a challenge from magnate Graynamore: the inhabitants of a Polynesian island need a hero who will jump into a volcano to appease their gods; in return, Anne will get to live like a king and die like a woman, while Graynamore gets the rights to valuable mineral deposits!
Also in the series…
Anne Widdecombe Versus – Nelson Mandella
Anne Widdecombe Versus – Anne Widdecombe… to the Death!
Wednesday 29 August 2007
Owen Wilson is… “Owen Wilton” in…
“You, Me and MTV dude makes 3”
“When failed ‘action hero’ Owen Wilton is dumped by his celebrity girlfriend he tries to win her back with hilarious consequences, in this years hottest comedy!”
Owen Wilson plays loveable bumbling dufus “Owen Wilton” a third rate actor whose roles only ever seem to be comedy sidekick and dumb-ass friend. He hooks up with the beautiful up and coming actress “Katie Hudson” (played by Kate Hudson) daughter of mad surgery obsessed A-list actress “Goldie Horn” (hilariously played by Ben Stiller) who’s offered comedy roles her Mother used to play but who’s now too old to!
Wilton and Hudson literally ‘fall in love’ after she splits from her ex, failed rocker “Chris Rubitson” (Matt Dillon) at a baseball game, trips on a hotdog and lands in Wilton’s lap! Hah!
But tragedy strikes when grumpy over serious Wilton gets jealous as Hudson’s career takes off and his career “nosedives”. Hudson gets to hang out with MTV dufus “Dax Shitface” (Matt Dillon) and finally Wilton’s insanely jealousy pushes her into his arms!
Wilton then spends literally weeks crying and finally decides to end his life by cutting his wrists! In a hilarious scene of utter mayhem and buckets of blood, Wilton is saved and ends up in hospital where he is helped by a bumbling councilor and part time Karate instructor “Dr Fliedlice” (Jackie Chan at his chop-socky best) who tells Wilton he must win back Hudson with his help. And that’s where the fun really starts…
“When failed ‘action hero’ Owen Wilton is dumped by his celebrity girlfriend he tries to win her back with hilarious consequences, in this years hottest comedy!”
Owen Wilson plays loveable bumbling dufus “Owen Wilton” a third rate actor whose roles only ever seem to be comedy sidekick and dumb-ass friend. He hooks up with the beautiful up and coming actress “Katie Hudson” (played by Kate Hudson) daughter of mad surgery obsessed A-list actress “Goldie Horn” (hilariously played by Ben Stiller) who’s offered comedy roles her Mother used to play but who’s now too old to!
Wilton and Hudson literally ‘fall in love’ after she splits from her ex, failed rocker “Chris Rubitson” (Matt Dillon) at a baseball game, trips on a hotdog and lands in Wilton’s lap! Hah!
But tragedy strikes when grumpy over serious Wilton gets jealous as Hudson’s career takes off and his career “nosedives”. Hudson gets to hang out with MTV dufus “Dax Shitface” (Matt Dillon) and finally Wilton’s insanely jealousy pushes her into his arms!
Wilton then spends literally weeks crying and finally decides to end his life by cutting his wrists! In a hilarious scene of utter mayhem and buckets of blood, Wilton is saved and ends up in hospital where he is helped by a bumbling councilor and part time Karate instructor “Dr Fliedlice” (Jackie Chan at his chop-socky best) who tells Wilton he must win back Hudson with his help. And that’s where the fun really starts…
Bloody computers
I've been to 2 library's to put something on disc that is 'flipping' (cant swear on these comps cause they self censor!) hilarious and both of their computers disk drives have totoaly fudged up!I went to the library so I didn't have to spend my own phone connection cause I'm on dial up! waste of my time! Though I didn't bump into a mate from way back and he was as hansome as ever! Hi Kid Simmons!
Tuesday 28 August 2007
Famous when Dead?
Jimmy Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Jim Morrison and Elvis. Amazingly talented musicians/singers! And yet the national news today is full of Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty! Now Hendrix, Joplin and Morrison left a body of work before they passed on from drink/drug addictions so they deserved news coverage. Where as Winehouse and Doherty have done bugger all to satisfy their media coverage except for behaving like complete arses. It’s like the 80’s with the Boy George has 3 days to live headlines. At least he has always had something to say. Amy has a bird’s nest on her head and a manly way about her, she’s in the same school as ‘American’ now boring Joss Stone and Lily “Keith” Allen. They all have distinctive voices but don’t offer much talent! Don’t even get me screaming about Kate “Posh voice” Nash. She’s a toff slumming it!
Doherty might be known in the music press as having amazing talent and his guitar playing may be half decent (when there’s not a needle about) but he hasn’t proved talented enough to be this God like character. He might speak a bit like Marc Bolan but he’s to busy in court/rehab/back of a cop van to actually contribute some real music. So the ‘scabloid’ press might be making it new worthy because of his dating Moss and constant possession drug charges but he’s about as talented at the moment as Lindsey Lohan!
Now what amazing films has she done? Mean Girls, maybe, but Herbie and Freaky Friday a star do not make! She’s more known for flashing her hairless minge and doing the hokey cokey whilst proclaiming she could fornicate with Jude Law and anyone else less fortunate!
Even Owen “Bloody” Wilson made the BBC1 headlines cause he may have tried to “off” himself (apparent suicide or cry for help or shaving/wrist accident! You decide!) Because his ex had been photographed snogging a Z-list MTV wanker!
“Man can you remember when Owen Wilson won that Oscar for Starsky and Hutch 2 and then followed it with Shanghai Days!”
“Yeah man! It totally rocked just like “You, Me and More Dupree!”
“Fucking-A dude! I liked Zoolander 2 – Zoo Harder!”
Any way, Pete and Amy get off the drugs or just end your lives now! If you don’t the papers will drive you to it!
Doherty might be known in the music press as having amazing talent and his guitar playing may be half decent (when there’s not a needle about) but he hasn’t proved talented enough to be this God like character. He might speak a bit like Marc Bolan but he’s to busy in court/rehab/back of a cop van to actually contribute some real music. So the ‘scabloid’ press might be making it new worthy because of his dating Moss and constant possession drug charges but he’s about as talented at the moment as Lindsey Lohan!
Now what amazing films has she done? Mean Girls, maybe, but Herbie and Freaky Friday a star do not make! She’s more known for flashing her hairless minge and doing the hokey cokey whilst proclaiming she could fornicate with Jude Law and anyone else less fortunate!
Even Owen “Bloody” Wilson made the BBC1 headlines cause he may have tried to “off” himself (apparent suicide or cry for help or shaving/wrist accident! You decide!) Because his ex had been photographed snogging a Z-list MTV wanker!
“Man can you remember when Owen Wilson won that Oscar for Starsky and Hutch 2 and then followed it with Shanghai Days!”
“Yeah man! It totally rocked just like “You, Me and More Dupree!”
“Fucking-A dude! I liked Zoolander 2 – Zoo Harder!”
Any way, Pete and Amy get off the drugs or just end your lives now! If you don’t the papers will drive you to it!
Thursday 23 August 2007
The Bourne Ultimatum
Saw The Bourne Ultimatum! It was brilliant. Bit slow at the beginning and a few too many flashbacks but suddenly the tension steps up and the film races along. There are some fantastic fight scenes. One last a bit to long and made me and my cousin chuckle and cheer quietly when Bourne won by using a book! Also a slight free running bit with Jason on roofs and jumping through a window but it’s done without going all silly like the Bond film!
There are some Brilliant car chase scenes, probably better than the one with the crash at the end of the second film and some amazing crashes again. A brilliant car explosion and lookout for the exploding cleaners cart (bit of “CGI” but very funny! I don’t want to spoil it, but the ending wraps it all up nicely (bow and all) and comes full circle, literally!
Moby also has the end tune again which is nice and makes you feel the filmmakers understood the whole mood of Bourne! It really feels like a proper trilogy, the first film was amazing, the second film still good but couldn’t out do the first and this film really bring back all that was good about the first movie!
There are some Brilliant car chase scenes, probably better than the one with the crash at the end of the second film and some amazing crashes again. A brilliant car explosion and lookout for the exploding cleaners cart (bit of “CGI” but very funny! I don’t want to spoil it, but the ending wraps it all up nicely (bow and all) and comes full circle, literally!
Moby also has the end tune again which is nice and makes you feel the filmmakers understood the whole mood of Bourne! It really feels like a proper trilogy, the first film was amazing, the second film still good but couldn’t out do the first and this film really bring back all that was good about the first movie!
Cabin Fever is poo!
Crap Bin Fever – Teen Romp Horror by Numbers!
Ok so I've only just seen it, but at least I'm not reviewing it on hype, and if you haven't seen it this is a warning to just take it as a load of poop!
Six minutes in and it makes no sense! ‘Paul’ The Kid from ‘Boy Meets World’ (not that one, the other one!) gets bitten by a nutty mute kid (outside a general store in the middle of nowhere Hicksville) who’s stolen from ‘Deliverance’, then goes around back to wash his hands in some dirty stream and is approached by two stray dogs… Now at this point you might think he’d get bitten by them but no they’re friendly.
Now there’s nothing wrong with that except the fact, “he’s just been bitten by nutty mute kid”, why the bloomin hell would he not be weary of these two dogs. Dogs can be totally un-predictable so why does ‘Paul’ stroke the dogs; he also has a bloody hand. Mmmm the smell of blood could excite the dogs into a frenzy but “No” that isn’t even in his mind even though "HE JUST GOT BITTEN BY A NUTTY MUTE KID!" Fuck’s sake!
Oh and at the shop were introduced to a red neck guy and a dude who looks like father X-mass who says the N-word (It’s racist santa!).And are we meant to hate all these characters form the outset of the film? They certainly come across as horrid!
The Guilty---
Paul – a goddamn wuss! And possibly meant to represent everyman!
Geoff – What’s with the blonde hair and sunglasses man, is that a euro porn look you got going on? He definitely has arse issues. He likes stuff up the bum from his girl! He’s the bitch!
Burke – NRA type guy. Redneck, hick and utter moron! Has to die!
Karen – A blonde, dull, possible lesbian tease to poor Paul!
Big Boobs – The other one. A swearing slut stereotype!
1) Burke’s fire ‘would have’ burnt the fuck out of that forest. So why did he freak out after shooting that guy with an air rifle? Because of his manky face? There are no signs at that point the guy is diseased, he’s just a bit scabby… not contagious with a mutant zombie killer manky disease!!!
2) Eli Roth (the director) stars in the film as Slacker Dude and show’s he can’t act, his timing is way out and his character doesn’t suit the mood of the film.
3) After the group set alight homeless type dude they act really really calm about it. But then Big Boobs suddenly flips out (after being cool) and Burke remains calm, when he’s always angry? They totally reverse roles!
4) Then Burke, Paul and Geoff have a pointless argument about nothing except maybe to show tension and that there not close at all. Why did they go away together then?
5) When nothing happens eerie music kicks in to help add some non-existent tension.
6) Why does Big Boobs think rowing to get help/find the homeless guy is a good idea? She doesn’t know the place at all and was scared of being alone at one point? But at least we get some scary music and some focusing on Big Boob’s skin tight jeans/bottom for a few pointless minutes!
Deputy Winston Olsen (who I think rocks) but again doesn’t suit the mood of the film, acts about 16 years old and not a cop turns up! Has a nice stick on mustache, rides a bicycle and informs us he gets pussy and thinks Paul is a guy who like to ‘Party’ with the ladies. How wrong is he!
7) A wild rabid dog comes out of nowhere and Paul is scared straight away, which makes a change compared to earlier!
8) Then everytime people drink the water the music gets spooky. Does this signify that the water is dirty? If you think yes then how come nobody else in the town is infected all ready? Surely they all drink the same water? Is it from the lake, or is it the houses own supply, then why does the lorry at the end mean anything? Not sure if the writers know 100%.
9) Everyone strips down to frumpy vests and shorts to see if they are infected with “The Mank”, Big Boobs has really frumpy pants and vest. How come, they all have the same type of undies? Big Boobs would have had saucy knickers!
10) Karen gets locked in the shed, copying many films and looking a bit Evil Dead like! Nobody remembers the scary dog introduced earlier, it’s been totally forgotten for this scene!
11) Scary dog is remembered when nothing is happening to push the plot forward!
12) Burke realizes he has “The Mank” and so does Karen! But we don’t care!
13) Big Boobs and Paul “fuck” unconvincingly, just so we can see her tits and up the age rating of the film. Probably because the writers can’t do conversations!
14) Paul washes his knob with Listerine whilst Big Boobs show us her boobs again in the bathroom mirror and to show she may have “The Mank”.
15) A fuuny bit for no reason! Burke goes back to the shop and Dennis (biting boy) now has a sign behind him, “Do not sit next to Dennis!”. Dennis freaks out and shouts “Pancakes” and does some crazy Kung-Fu shit and bites Burke thus getting “The Mank”!
16) Paul goes to find Geoff who ran off and sees a dead body floating upside down in the water (its obvious it’s not Geoff!). He goes to check if it’s Geoff (It still isn’t), but he can’t reach and grabs a branch and climbs down a rickety unsafe/untested ladder to get closer (Paul for fuck sake it’s so not him!). He leans and touches the body. It flips over and it’s not Geoff (Damn!), it’s the tramp dude! Paul brakes the rickety ladder and falls in thus getting “The Mank” (we presume, though he did shag big boobs and drink some water and stuff).
17) Big Boobs has a bath and discovers she has “The Mank”, it looks like we might not see her boobs, then we dude! Phew! We here a gunshot and Big Boobs runs outside in dressing gown (Cripes clothes!) and the scary dog turns up (remember him!) and we see from his point of view (a low down camera with a red filter!). It has “The Mank”.
18) Big Boobs is killed by the scary dog and Karen is noshed on. Paul finds bits of Big Boobs and foes to check on the body of Karen, she is all skeleton faced and alive!!! Paul gets balls and batters her to death!
19) There is a comedy shoot out with Burke and Paul getting revenge on shop Rednecks (thought Burke dies, hoorah!). It’s funny but totally over the top!
20) For no reason Paul realizes that the water is to blame (or did I blink?). “Geoff! Don’t drink the water!”. That explains everything!!!
21) Paul is in an accident with a rubbish deer and slaughters it and get’s a ton of blood on hid face. He must have “The Mank” now!
22) Paul comes across partying Deputy Dude and pals! A radio police report makes everyone turn on Paul (except Deputy dude!) and Pauls coughs up blood but not on everyone and yet one of the party people suddenly coughs up blood! Is there no time on “The Mank”? It took Karen ages to get infected! Crikey scarper dudes! Oh no, “The Mank” might spread!
23) Paul run’s off! The only point of the film now is if there is a twist or a spooky type ending. There is no reason for more film. Paul must die! Later Paul turns up in hospital to tell the cops about “The Mank”.
24) Geoff’s not dead and stumbles out of hiding. He goes abck to the lodge and see’s all the crazy shit tha’s happened! He goes into Oscar acting mode showing his range of emotions and en’s on elation! Wher by he is shot byt the deputy’s! we learn they are there to clean up by burning and disposing of the bodies! Containment!
25) Except for the fact Paul’s body suddenly tun’s up dumoed by the river! Why for fuck’s sake? Does this mean he will leak “The Mank” in the river?
26) hang on ther’s some kids collecting water from the river! But why? They are making lemonade (why not from the tap?) to sell outside the store, to the deput’s!
27) Some awful black sterotypes turn up listening to R n’ B! they enter Santa’s store, remember he said the N-word earlier! He is down with them and speaks ‘black speak’ (I’m being sarcastic here and mocking the writers who were so obviously white writing that bit)! then suddenly ton’s of tourists turn up (where’s infected Dennis gone?) and they are buying lemonade and then we see a truck with “Down Home Spring Water” on it! This means the world will be infected. Oh Christ! Damn! Shit! That’s it whilst the credit’s are going I’m gonna slit my wrists! Oh Christ! Hang on there’s a bit at the end! I’s Santa in the shop! What’s he sayin, “Arrgh, Word!”. Black Speak from an old white guy, hilarious. No, soory I’m still depressed from the down beat ending and my wrists are leaking and I’m starting to feel c...
Ok so I've only just seen it, but at least I'm not reviewing it on hype, and if you haven't seen it this is a warning to just take it as a load of poop!
Six minutes in and it makes no sense! ‘Paul’ The Kid from ‘Boy Meets World’ (not that one, the other one!) gets bitten by a nutty mute kid (outside a general store in the middle of nowhere Hicksville) who’s stolen from ‘Deliverance’, then goes around back to wash his hands in some dirty stream and is approached by two stray dogs… Now at this point you might think he’d get bitten by them but no they’re friendly.
Now there’s nothing wrong with that except the fact, “he’s just been bitten by nutty mute kid”, why the bloomin hell would he not be weary of these two dogs. Dogs can be totally un-predictable so why does ‘Paul’ stroke the dogs; he also has a bloody hand. Mmmm the smell of blood could excite the dogs into a frenzy but “No” that isn’t even in his mind even though "HE JUST GOT BITTEN BY A NUTTY MUTE KID!" Fuck’s sake!
Oh and at the shop were introduced to a red neck guy and a dude who looks like father X-mass who says the N-word (It’s racist santa!).And are we meant to hate all these characters form the outset of the film? They certainly come across as horrid!
The Guilty---
Paul – a goddamn wuss! And possibly meant to represent everyman!
Geoff – What’s with the blonde hair and sunglasses man, is that a euro porn look you got going on? He definitely has arse issues. He likes stuff up the bum from his girl! He’s the bitch!
Burke – NRA type guy. Redneck, hick and utter moron! Has to die!
Karen – A blonde, dull, possible lesbian tease to poor Paul!
Big Boobs – The other one. A swearing slut stereotype!
1) Burke’s fire ‘would have’ burnt the fuck out of that forest. So why did he freak out after shooting that guy with an air rifle? Because of his manky face? There are no signs at that point the guy is diseased, he’s just a bit scabby… not contagious with a mutant zombie killer manky disease!!!
2) Eli Roth (the director) stars in the film as Slacker Dude and show’s he can’t act, his timing is way out and his character doesn’t suit the mood of the film.
3) After the group set alight homeless type dude they act really really calm about it. But then Big Boobs suddenly flips out (after being cool) and Burke remains calm, when he’s always angry? They totally reverse roles!
4) Then Burke, Paul and Geoff have a pointless argument about nothing except maybe to show tension and that there not close at all. Why did they go away together then?
5) When nothing happens eerie music kicks in to help add some non-existent tension.
6) Why does Big Boobs think rowing to get help/find the homeless guy is a good idea? She doesn’t know the place at all and was scared of being alone at one point? But at least we get some scary music and some focusing on Big Boob’s skin tight jeans/bottom for a few pointless minutes!
Deputy Winston Olsen (who I think rocks) but again doesn’t suit the mood of the film, acts about 16 years old and not a cop turns up! Has a nice stick on mustache, rides a bicycle and informs us he gets pussy and thinks Paul is a guy who like to ‘Party’ with the ladies. How wrong is he!
7) A wild rabid dog comes out of nowhere and Paul is scared straight away, which makes a change compared to earlier!
8) Then everytime people drink the water the music gets spooky. Does this signify that the water is dirty? If you think yes then how come nobody else in the town is infected all ready? Surely they all drink the same water? Is it from the lake, or is it the houses own supply, then why does the lorry at the end mean anything? Not sure if the writers know 100%.
9) Everyone strips down to frumpy vests and shorts to see if they are infected with “The Mank”, Big Boobs has really frumpy pants and vest. How come, they all have the same type of undies? Big Boobs would have had saucy knickers!
10) Karen gets locked in the shed, copying many films and looking a bit Evil Dead like! Nobody remembers the scary dog introduced earlier, it’s been totally forgotten for this scene!
11) Scary dog is remembered when nothing is happening to push the plot forward!
12) Burke realizes he has “The Mank” and so does Karen! But we don’t care!
13) Big Boobs and Paul “fuck” unconvincingly, just so we can see her tits and up the age rating of the film. Probably because the writers can’t do conversations!
14) Paul washes his knob with Listerine whilst Big Boobs show us her boobs again in the bathroom mirror and to show she may have “The Mank”.
15) A fuuny bit for no reason! Burke goes back to the shop and Dennis (biting boy) now has a sign behind him, “Do not sit next to Dennis!”. Dennis freaks out and shouts “Pancakes” and does some crazy Kung-Fu shit and bites Burke thus getting “The Mank”!
16) Paul goes to find Geoff who ran off and sees a dead body floating upside down in the water (its obvious it’s not Geoff!). He goes to check if it’s Geoff (It still isn’t), but he can’t reach and grabs a branch and climbs down a rickety unsafe/untested ladder to get closer (Paul for fuck sake it’s so not him!). He leans and touches the body. It flips over and it’s not Geoff (Damn!), it’s the tramp dude! Paul brakes the rickety ladder and falls in thus getting “The Mank” (we presume, though he did shag big boobs and drink some water and stuff).
17) Big Boobs has a bath and discovers she has “The Mank”, it looks like we might not see her boobs, then we dude! Phew! We here a gunshot and Big Boobs runs outside in dressing gown (Cripes clothes!) and the scary dog turns up (remember him!) and we see from his point of view (a low down camera with a red filter!). It has “The Mank”.
18) Big Boobs is killed by the scary dog and Karen is noshed on. Paul finds bits of Big Boobs and foes to check on the body of Karen, she is all skeleton faced and alive!!! Paul gets balls and batters her to death!
19) There is a comedy shoot out with Burke and Paul getting revenge on shop Rednecks (thought Burke dies, hoorah!). It’s funny but totally over the top!
20) For no reason Paul realizes that the water is to blame (or did I blink?). “Geoff! Don’t drink the water!”. That explains everything!!!
21) Paul is in an accident with a rubbish deer and slaughters it and get’s a ton of blood on hid face. He must have “The Mank” now!
22) Paul comes across partying Deputy Dude and pals! A radio police report makes everyone turn on Paul (except Deputy dude!) and Pauls coughs up blood but not on everyone and yet one of the party people suddenly coughs up blood! Is there no time on “The Mank”? It took Karen ages to get infected! Crikey scarper dudes! Oh no, “The Mank” might spread!
23) Paul run’s off! The only point of the film now is if there is a twist or a spooky type ending. There is no reason for more film. Paul must die! Later Paul turns up in hospital to tell the cops about “The Mank”.
24) Geoff’s not dead and stumbles out of hiding. He goes abck to the lodge and see’s all the crazy shit tha’s happened! He goes into Oscar acting mode showing his range of emotions and en’s on elation! Wher by he is shot byt the deputy’s! we learn they are there to clean up by burning and disposing of the bodies! Containment!
25) Except for the fact Paul’s body suddenly tun’s up dumoed by the river! Why for fuck’s sake? Does this mean he will leak “The Mank” in the river?
26) hang on ther’s some kids collecting water from the river! But why? They are making lemonade (why not from the tap?) to sell outside the store, to the deput’s!
27) Some awful black sterotypes turn up listening to R n’ B! they enter Santa’s store, remember he said the N-word earlier! He is down with them and speaks ‘black speak’ (I’m being sarcastic here and mocking the writers who were so obviously white writing that bit)! then suddenly ton’s of tourists turn up (where’s infected Dennis gone?) and they are buying lemonade and then we see a truck with “Down Home Spring Water” on it! This means the world will be infected. Oh Christ! Damn! Shit! That’s it whilst the credit’s are going I’m gonna slit my wrists! Oh Christ! Hang on there’s a bit at the end! I’s Santa in the shop! What’s he sayin, “Arrgh, Word!”. Black Speak from an old white guy, hilarious. No, soory I’m still depressed from the down beat ending and my wrists are leaking and I’m starting to feel c...
Wednesday 22 August 2007
'Cumming' on your TV
I like Ugly Betty! I’ll admit that when it was first advertised I though, “Fuckin’ Hell, they lose ‘Lost’ and any other chance at sci-fi and throw all there money at shit like Desperate Housewives (Which I watched at first and then noticed it was rubbish). Now Housewives could have been good but they had some of the worst stereotypes of women and then men were so wooden it was like ‘Sex in the Suburbs’.
Now STC (sex in the shitty) was a load of old tosh, advertised as an empowerment prog, a “we don’t need guys” show! It should have been a “We need guys cause we are addicted to being treated badly and have to fornicate constantly with the wrong partner and if we have ‘Big’ treat ‘Carrie’ like shit constantly, eventually we will fool you into liking the Big shit and you’ll want them to end up miserable-ever-after!”
But then Carrie was a neurotic twat, never happy unless being grumpy and smoking!
But back to my point, I like Ugly Betty but for Channel Four to show it at 11am and for it to allude to blow jobs, cheating on partners and all kinds of shit, how can it be suitable viewing for teens and younger kids? It isn’t but then T4 has Steve “Stud” Jones’s constant double entendre and even single ones. His alleged bed sharing in the papers and his romance with Pamela “Hepatitis” Anderson (wow, worth bragging about maybe 10years ago!) who counts Kid Rock as worthy partner is nothing to shout about!
They now have wooden George and that girl who got Pop World cancelled to present un- funny links.
We keep getting told that kids are growing up to fast but nobody is complaining in the papers about TV shows or films not being suitable but video games are the fucking spawn of Satan! I won’t go off on one about video games and age ratings, but all kids have easy access to TV in the morning, and parents don’t know what the kids are watching!
I would have a point to this article but I’m to tired moaning so I’ll end on a happy note, I saw a squirrel yesterday! That’s it!
Now STC (sex in the shitty) was a load of old tosh, advertised as an empowerment prog, a “we don’t need guys” show! It should have been a “We need guys cause we are addicted to being treated badly and have to fornicate constantly with the wrong partner and if we have ‘Big’ treat ‘Carrie’ like shit constantly, eventually we will fool you into liking the Big shit and you’ll want them to end up miserable-ever-after!”
But then Carrie was a neurotic twat, never happy unless being grumpy and smoking!
But back to my point, I like Ugly Betty but for Channel Four to show it at 11am and for it to allude to blow jobs, cheating on partners and all kinds of shit, how can it be suitable viewing for teens and younger kids? It isn’t but then T4 has Steve “Stud” Jones’s constant double entendre and even single ones. His alleged bed sharing in the papers and his romance with Pamela “Hepatitis” Anderson (wow, worth bragging about maybe 10years ago!) who counts Kid Rock as worthy partner is nothing to shout about!
They now have wooden George and that girl who got Pop World cancelled to present un- funny links.
We keep getting told that kids are growing up to fast but nobody is complaining in the papers about TV shows or films not being suitable but video games are the fucking spawn of Satan! I won’t go off on one about video games and age ratings, but all kids have easy access to TV in the morning, and parents don’t know what the kids are watching!
I would have a point to this article but I’m to tired moaning so I’ll end on a happy note, I saw a squirrel yesterday! That’s it!
Sunday 5 August 2007
Movies!
I am well into films but I’m human enough to admit I haven’t seen all the classics. Here are a few that I have to see.
Casablanca – How can I have not seen it? Every year it’s on but something else crops up again and again. My brother keeps telling me it brilliant. So hopefully this year!
Cross-of Iron – I hadn’t even heard of this WW2 film set on the Russian front. Stars James Coburn and directed by Sam Peckinpah, it sounds like a good film. Have to track it down.
Deliverance – Sort of seen but not all the way through! Have to seen for the amazing Burt Reynolds (a hero of mine) and his ‘dummy down a river scene’.
The Great Escape – We’ve all seen it but how many were really watchin it over there X-mass dinner. I wasn’t!!! Have to see it just because I’m male!
High Noon – I deserve to be flogged for not seeing this, from just reading about it seems like this film is the greatest ever. This should be top of my list along with…
Bad Day at Black Rock – A one armed Spencer Tracey taking on a whole town of bigots! Classic!
Night of the Hunter – Robert Mitchum on fine form as a psychotic Preacher, reminds me of Cape Fear. Very scary and copied by everyone up to and including The Simpsons.
On the Waterfront – Brando, Brando, Brando! I’ve seen A Streetcar Named Desire but strangely not this.
The Searchers – A classic John Wayne film (not a fan me) bit near the knuckle racially (the native Americans come of badly) but a John Ford film of some weight.
Twelve Angry Men – Twelve men, angry men on a jury, angrily arguing over a verdict. Tense, powerful and some of the actors best work!
The Wild Bunch – I own it but haven’t got past the first shoot out!
Casablanca – How can I have not seen it? Every year it’s on but something else crops up again and again. My brother keeps telling me it brilliant. So hopefully this year!
Cross-of Iron – I hadn’t even heard of this WW2 film set on the Russian front. Stars James Coburn and directed by Sam Peckinpah, it sounds like a good film. Have to track it down.
Deliverance – Sort of seen but not all the way through! Have to seen for the amazing Burt Reynolds (a hero of mine) and his ‘dummy down a river scene’.
The Great Escape – We’ve all seen it but how many were really watchin it over there X-mass dinner. I wasn’t!!! Have to see it just because I’m male!
High Noon – I deserve to be flogged for not seeing this, from just reading about it seems like this film is the greatest ever. This should be top of my list along with…
Bad Day at Black Rock – A one armed Spencer Tracey taking on a whole town of bigots! Classic!
Night of the Hunter – Robert Mitchum on fine form as a psychotic Preacher, reminds me of Cape Fear. Very scary and copied by everyone up to and including The Simpsons.
On the Waterfront – Brando, Brando, Brando! I’ve seen A Streetcar Named Desire but strangely not this.
The Searchers – A classic John Wayne film (not a fan me) bit near the knuckle racially (the native Americans come of badly) but a John Ford film of some weight.
Twelve Angry Men – Twelve men, angry men on a jury, angrily arguing over a verdict. Tense, powerful and some of the actors best work!
The Wild Bunch – I own it but haven’t got past the first shoot out!
Toby ate my balls
I hate Toby! Last night for a few minutes my neighbor again did a bit of drilling at about 11:21pm! Maybe it’s used as a sexual aid in the chav bedroom department or maybe it’s cause he’s a fucking moron (seems the more likely of the two!). The fact is he’s chav to the bone and chav’s are basically thoughtless, insensitive, mindless drones!
He is such a chav, he wears baseball caps, tracksuit bottoms, branded sports tops, has a pit bull or staffie called Ziggy (after Ziggy Marley), listens to wank hardcore music, has an X-box 360 and plays driving games and has drums In a flat! He’s got his girlfriend up the duff and isn’t married, his girlfriend never wears makeup and wears masculine clothes and looks like she is ill. He’s always shouting at her and his comments are really stupid like “You’re a fucking idiot, your doin my head in”, he screams, which does my head in! And then he repeats it with more swearing. Or he shouts, “Where’s my fucking socks?” I don’t know try looking for them you Neanderthal! She’s only with him cause she’s trapped and has nowhere to go. And he’s a paranoid weed smoking (the place stinks), wanna be gangsta (he lives Coolio's ‘Gangsta’s Paradise’) who cough’s up mucus every morning and walks around like a monkey but spends most of his time staying in being a prick (at least it keeps him off the streets) which irritates me when I’m in!
I hope Toby twirl leaves and infests some other flat, hopefully a two bedroom flat away from me! I can’t report him for the drugs because I can’t get solid proof, but the smell, people coming and going at all hours and only stopping for a few minutes and people shouting at his window if he’s ‘got any’ and the smell mean I have to live with it! If you know this man please feel free to punch him!
He is such a chav, he wears baseball caps, tracksuit bottoms, branded sports tops, has a pit bull or staffie called Ziggy (after Ziggy Marley), listens to wank hardcore music, has an X-box 360 and plays driving games and has drums In a flat! He’s got his girlfriend up the duff and isn’t married, his girlfriend never wears makeup and wears masculine clothes and looks like she is ill. He’s always shouting at her and his comments are really stupid like “You’re a fucking idiot, your doin my head in”, he screams, which does my head in! And then he repeats it with more swearing. Or he shouts, “Where’s my fucking socks?” I don’t know try looking for them you Neanderthal! She’s only with him cause she’s trapped and has nowhere to go. And he’s a paranoid weed smoking (the place stinks), wanna be gangsta (he lives Coolio's ‘Gangsta’s Paradise’) who cough’s up mucus every morning and walks around like a monkey but spends most of his time staying in being a prick (at least it keeps him off the streets) which irritates me when I’m in!
I hope Toby twirl leaves and infests some other flat, hopefully a two bedroom flat away from me! I can’t report him for the drugs because I can’t get solid proof, but the smell, people coming and going at all hours and only stopping for a few minutes and people shouting at his window if he’s ‘got any’ and the smell mean I have to live with it! If you know this man please feel free to punch him!
Saturday 4 August 2007
psychic night again!
I went to that psychic night on Thursday and it was OK but very short! The guy Stephen Treadaway seemed pretty cool; my girlfriend also had a chat with him and said he was nice! The evening went better cause you could but alcohol at the bar before and during the interval! I also tried soda and lime for the first time and it was really nice but could explain the gasses erupting from my but later or that could be the chips I had!
I also have to say I really love Heroes, but everyone says that so I’ll mention that Studio 60 on the sunset strip also rocks, though it’s a bit clever sometimes and some of the references are just to damn US, it’s still bloody well written and v.funny! I’ll be first to get it for a directors commentary come October-ish!
I also have to say I really love Heroes, but everyone says that so I’ll mention that Studio 60 on the sunset strip also rocks, though it’s a bit clever sometimes and some of the references are just to damn US, it’s still bloody well written and v.funny! I’ll be first to get it for a directors commentary come October-ish!
Psychic Night!
02/08/07
I’m going to a psychic night tonight , but you knew that all ready didn’t you!
It should be pretty cool, I’ve been to one professional one before and that was pretty cool, my girlfriend talked to the women during the interval and when she came back told me that the woman came across as a complete cow, but onstage she was pretty friendly though, but it could do with the fact my girl was talking about her own experiences of psychics ability. Maybe the woman just does it as her day job and doesn’t talk shop; either that or she’s a fraud? I did meet the woman’s husband when I was taking a piss and he was pretty funny, during the entire performance he just ignores the whole thing and reads his paper, he told me that she’s not gonna start talking about spirits to do with him or her so he doesn’t really need to get involved he just helps on the door sorting out tickets and money! He did tell me that when he first met her he was a bit weary of her powers until she told him loads about his dead relatives and then he knew she was OK!
I’LL GIVE A QUICK NOTE ON THE PERFORMANCE, NOT NOW BUT LATER!
I’m going to a psychic night tonight , but you knew that all ready didn’t you!
It should be pretty cool, I’ve been to one professional one before and that was pretty cool, my girlfriend talked to the women during the interval and when she came back told me that the woman came across as a complete cow, but onstage she was pretty friendly though, but it could do with the fact my girl was talking about her own experiences of psychics ability. Maybe the woman just does it as her day job and doesn’t talk shop; either that or she’s a fraud? I did meet the woman’s husband when I was taking a piss and he was pretty funny, during the entire performance he just ignores the whole thing and reads his paper, he told me that she’s not gonna start talking about spirits to do with him or her so he doesn’t really need to get involved he just helps on the door sorting out tickets and money! He did tell me that when he first met her he was a bit weary of her powers until she told him loads about his dead relatives and then he knew she was OK!
I’LL GIVE A QUICK NOTE ON THE PERFORMANCE, NOT NOW BUT LATER!
Wednesday 1 August 2007
Toby is an idiot!!!
My neighbor is a total moron! I didn’t like him since the day he moved in, I’m usually a good judge of character and when I spotted the baseball cap and tracksuit I knew what to expect. They made a ton of noise moving in which can be expected, but they were making noise throughout the night and didn’t give stuff. After a few weeks one of their mates knocked on my door and asked if I had a joint!!! I knew then they were morons! What idiot asks a neighbor they don’t know if they have any drugs… maybe a narc?
Since then I’ve had loud music bass at all times, guitar’s, the aroma of weed, vomit on the stairwell and loud banging and shouting. I’ve spoken to them and I won’t bore you but they were scum to talk to who don’t give a monkey’s fig about anyone else!
Recently they had a drum kit put into the flat, and they have a baby! When I complain to the council it quietens down for a bit, but if he and his dirty girlfriend row or he’s in a mood it all kicks off! My neighbor is an idiot!
Since then I’ve had loud music bass at all times, guitar’s, the aroma of weed, vomit on the stairwell and loud banging and shouting. I’ve spoken to them and I won’t bore you but they were scum to talk to who don’t give a monkey’s fig about anyone else!
Recently they had a drum kit put into the flat, and they have a baby! When I complain to the council it quietens down for a bit, but if he and his dirty girlfriend row or he’s in a mood it all kicks off! My neighbor is an idiot!
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