Shit TV 2001

Saturday nights alright for morons - ITV's Saturday Night line up and Football exploitation

That's something like Elton John's original lyrics. You already know I hate football ( I didn't as a kid before it turned into a money machine), but the ITV line up is shit. Two weak gameshows with phone-in's so they can steal your cash. Then a shit repeat of Poirot (not as good as Morse or Frost repeats) and then football.

Not that BBC1 has much to laugh about, apart from it's films on saturday, it has the national stinker 'The Lottery' which has turned into a gameshow and than a celebrity (are you sure?) 'Weakest Link', with Castaway, Survivor (chortle) and Big Brother contestants. Then later some sports highlights.

Try playing spot the difference with these two channels, there isn't one, both are a bit shit.

All I can think is that it must have been a bad turn out at the ITV1 boardroom meeting so they let the boss come up with the solution.

"What shall we do about our dwindling ratings? We don't want to copy the Beeb. How about a good film or more soaps, what about a docu-soap or a Police drama? What does saturday not have much of? I know, there's hardly any Football or Horse racing, Athletics, Tennis or even Motor-racing at this time of year. We need prime-time sport! I'll give myself a pay rise now"

Oh, Jesus, let me watch this amazing television! The fucking shareholders must have been wanking over this line up. They hope they're onto a real winner, but my fingers are crossed to jinx it. Eventually the Beeb will do something big to steal the ratings, (not another episode of Eastenders, I hope) or people will just get sick of sport. There getting some half decent films but if they don't do something people will go digital (Which is what they want, conspiracy anyone?).

"Sick of footie?", (you might be saying, I'm not a mind reader) it may seem unlikely but the way footballs going it just might make you sick.

Footie's getting too big for it's boots, (ha, fucking, ha) everyone knows it but they are to afraid to say it, and the bigger and greedier it gets the greater it's downfall will be, which makes me do a little jig at the thought of it.

Every season football announces bigger transfer deals for new players and rising ticket sales/ digital telivision deals. This is all well and good but it doesn't last forever so what are the executives planning ready for it's obvious downfall, "FUCK ALL". They're to blinkered and don't believe that it will ever happen. They think you are so stupid you will always watch it however much it cost to watch or if you have to morgage the house to get a season ticket.

Why? Because they can hype it to be the best sport in europe with flashy visuals and famous names and tons of newspaper columns, so that you believe if you don't watch it your not a man. I am constantly asked what footie team I support, and I always say I don't. This gets some of the freakiest looks in the world like I touch kids or something. So I always say I used to support West Ham, which to them explains why I don't support footie team anymore (ha,ha). It also satisfies their need not to punch me for being a 'book reader or poof' because I once had the taste for football so I can't be all bad can I? Twats.

There are others that agree with me that football is all about million dollar deals. David Icke wrote a superb article on sports sweatshops and the way football has fallen from grace because of its greed.

David says, "Manchester United was once a great football club. Today it is, in my view, a seedy money machine that profits from the exploitation and suffering of some of the world's poorest people. In that it is not alone, all the major clubs do the same, but it is, I would suggest, the most obvious example in British, possibly even world, football of the way the game has been hi-jacked by the disciples of greed".

"As I write, the Manchester United "brand", masquerading as a "team", is attracting phenomenal crowds in Asia, the very home of exploitation by the multi-national sportswear corporations. Yet the exploited masses scream and cheer hysterically for those who make a fortune from that very exploitation of themselves and their fellow Asian workers".

Dave's right, it's all about the branded money, television branding (see Man Untd tv), branded events , branded football food and branded fans who wear the logos with pride.

You can read David's full article at: www.davidicke.com/icke/articles3/manchester.html or check out some of his other articles at www.davidicke.com

But ITV, sorry ITV1 (I bet that cost millions to think up) think they've won but for a while with a new sports show, and they have for the moment, I just hope that the public are not as stupid as they look and stop tuning in when they realise how they are being used. Then ITV1 will be forced to put on some better shows.

They managed to ruin F1 grand prix racing with it's constsant adverts and made the stinker that was Survivor (Which I'll bring up for life), so they are desperate to get the viewers back, prove to them your in control by switching off the tele or by taping it instead the rating look bad.

Not that you care but here's my idea for the future of sport. Hopefully it will be street football. A couple of digital handheld cameras, no celeb players and jumpers for goal posts. It's just a good old kick about with the usual Sunday league half time punch up.

I'd watch little football in the ghettos streets, you could have drive by shootings, prostitute cheerleaders. The sport of kings or pimps, but hey that's the future.

If you get the chance watch the film 'Baseketball' by Matt Stone and Trey Parker for an ironic but true look at sport being ruined by corporate cock sucking.

If ITV wants an idea for new a saturday line up how abut bringing back 'Noels House Party', 'Blind Date' and '3-2-1', these shows are so hip it hurts!



Televisions finest 28 minutes!
ITV1 Saturday Night ratings - Update August 26th 2001

The first episode of the Premiereship went out the 18/08/01, it was on for 75 minutes and featured only 28 minutes of football and was watched by only 4.3 million people, which isn't that much for something so heavily advertised.

ITV hailed the show as a success even when it was announced that the BBC beat it in the ratings with it's Weakest Link celebrity special (celebs from Big Brother 1+2, Survivor! and Castaway 2000 participated). ITV1 bought the rights showing football for 183 million pounds, and by the looks of it it was a total waste of money.

Teletexts Frank Fury described the Premiership show as, "tacky and tabloid", and the second show on the 12/08/01 featured more football (38 mintues worth) but had lost lots more viewers, (figures when available will be noted).

ITV's controller had the cheek to say this week that the BBC just goes for ratings and more soaps on television to get viewers, which was a swipe at Eastenders extra episode, but ITV1 has no right to say this when they only bought football as a fingers upto to the Beeb and also stick soaps on more times a week or extended episodes/clashing ratings shows when they want to take away viewers form the other side.

Oh dear ITV1, the public are not as stupid as you hoped. And another blow to ITV1 was 1/09/01 when the Premiership wasn't on because the BBC had the rights to the European game 'England vs Germany', which we won 5-1.

Were the ratings as poor as the ITV1 snippets show, NO! Because the Beeb showed the full match it got around 15 million viewers.

It looks as if ITV1 don't do something drastic they will be ridiculed forever, they can't pull the show as that would be a waste of 183 million and a waste of football footage but what can they do? I have no idea but throwing more money at it wont help, it's the millenium dome of ITV1, and money still hasn't stopped that big problem. Congratulations ITV1 your new name will be remembered for being a turkey.

Football not about money? - October 1st 2001

Leicester City footie coach Peter Taylor was sacked as of the 30th September 2001, after only 15 months in the job, for a string of poor football results. Taylor had previously had good results when he worked with Englands Under 21's.

But 'The League Managers Association Chief' John Barnwell was not surprised by Taylor's outcome and said of the sacking,

"It is indecative of the intensity for success that now prevails in football and in the Barclaycard Premiership in particular".

Fair enough he wasn't doing the best for the team and some of you may be saying that this has nothing to do with money it's about results. Well, I thought so to but while I was wacthing the BBC1 News they pointed out that Taylors sacking had first been leaked to the the Stock Exchange!!! Does this mean that the info was more important to the shareholders than the fans whom found out afterwards. Possibly.

And in other news, increased gate receipts and higher sponsorship/TV revenues have kept Manchester United at the top of the money stakes.

Their turnover lifted 12% to £129.6 million while pre-tax profits for the year to July moved ahead 30% to £21.8 million. What they do with the money we have yet to see but I can see some very happy shareholders this year.

Premiership News - October 23rd 2001

After denying on Sunday night (21/10/01) that the Premiership wouldn't be moving to a Saturday late night slot, ITV bosses have been forced to give in to pressure and cancel it's current 7pm slot and place it into a new 10.30pm slot.

On Sunday ITV assured fans and sceptics that the show wouldn't be moving because "ratings are increasing". But yesterdays statment from ITV chief David Liddiment said different,

"I had hoped to give the programme more time to consolidate in the 7pm slot. But pressure on the overall performance of the schedule and advertising revenues means we cannot sustain the current position".

So it's about MONEY then? The advertisers felt there products were not reaching enough people and so why should they have to pay as much for having there adverts in the 7pm slot. Shareholders were also noticing the murmurs from the press about the premiership's lack of viewers and I suppose thats when ITV decided something had to be done.

ITV1 couldn't afford to take risks with a £183 million show, and waiting for The Premiership to finally find it's footing was not an option they could afford to take. Think of the Shareholders, they can't fend for themselves!

Des Lynam said of the shift, "I'm dissapointed that ITV are moving The Premiership start time as I feel confident that it would have achieved higher audiences in due course".

"However I am assured that the move is for economic and not editorial reasons and that ITV is delighted with the programme's style and presentation".

Which is quite funny as Des had previously had a highly publisised fall out with the BBC over it's late night treatment of Match of the Day, which lead to his defection to ITV. Des, like many fans, had said that the football public wanted a primetime football show. He also said he'd quit if ITV messed with the new schedule. He was wrong on the first count the fans don't seem to want the show after all and I'm waiting for him to go through with the second.

BBC sports executives insisted that the MOTD format was not suited to a Saturday 7pm slot and hoped ITV would fall flat on it's arse, (which it started to after it's second week).

The last 7pm Premiership will go out on Nov 3rd and the new Premiership show will go out from Saturday November 17th at 10.30pm and will be repeated Sundays at 9.25am.

The 7pm slot will then be filled with ratings winner Blind Date which attracts around 7 million viewers, compared to the footies average of 4.4 million viewers.

If ITV1 really want good ratings on Saturday evenings so that they can kiss the arses of the share holders then they have to listen to the public, "We want good films!", I think I can hear them say.

We want the film to be either really new or a classic old film. Loads of people watch DVD's or hirer out vids. If you put on a good film they don't have to walk to the shops and as winters coming this is more likely to happen.

However we don't want films that are split into two parts ( the film continues after the news) or ITV1 drama's (we don't want them on Sunday either).

All of these dramas are set during in the 1800's or during the wartime. We have a choice of four actors to front them, John Thaw, Robson Greene, Sarah Lancaster or Ross Kemp. They are all rubbish and watched by women aged 30 and over. David Jason would be in the line-up but as he's just become a Dad he's some what busy at the moment.

ITV has now bodged up F1 racing, had to remove 'Lucy Sullivan is getting married' because of ratings along with, 'Survivor', 'Cross Roads' and even the 'News'.

ITV is more concerned with shareholders and advertisers than a mere 4 million viewers of a show, watch out your show may be next!!!

Come back Survivor all is forgiven